Wednesday, 5 November 2014

What My Partner Thinks About Me Wearing Lolita Fashion

Hey all! Today I thought I'd discuss a question most Lolita girls ask for input in - what does your partner think of you wearing Lolita? I think we've all heard a sad story where a girl's boyfriend doesn't like Lolita fashion, or the girl wearing it, and it's truly a disappointing thing. There's also the case of whether you got into Lolita before or after you met your boyfriend, or indeed whether you met your boyfriend in Lolita.

I met my boyfriend, Rob, 6 years ago. Controversially, I was asking to work at his shop for my secondary/high school work experience when I was 15. I was just getting into Lolita that year. The first occasion I met him was to sort some paperwork for the work experience, and I was just wearing 'regular' alternative clothes. The second time I met him was at J-Con 2010 and I was wearing Lolita. He didn't say anything about it, just asked me if I was looking forward to working in his shop that next week. I was really nervous since he seemed really serious and mature haha, and also because it was one of my first outings in Lolita. >_<

As we got to know each other more and eventually began a relationship, he never really said anything about Lolita fashion, positive or negative. I think I came in one time from a meet and when he saw what I was wearing, he said 'Aww, that's cute, you should wear that to J-Con!'. A short discussion where I asked Rob what he thought about Lolita fashion resulted in 'Well, I don't really understand it but it makes you happy so I'm not bothered.'

I think that's the approach all partners should take to the fashion! I mean sure, if they love it then great but something that you do should never affect your partner. If they don't like it, it's their problem and they can choose to work past it or take another direction. I wouldn't care if Rob didn't like me wearing Lolita fashion - it makes me feel happy, and pretty and it has nothing to do with him. The occasions that I wear Lolita aren't usually occasions I spend much time with Rob, other than J-Con, in which case he is usually running around organising everything anyway, so I don't have the problem where I want to wear Lolita with him and he wouldn't want me to. However, I can see it being a problem if you wanted to wear Lolita to an occasion with your partner and they were strongly against it but again, it's not harming them so why should they care?

I would go as far as saying that if my partner abjectly hated Lolita fashion, didn't want me wearing it regardless whether I was with him or not or made me feel bad for wearing it, I would break up with him.

Some people might think that such a reason to break up is superficial, but it's not just about fashion. Sure, I love fashion, it's a large part of my life and if my partner hated my fashion, I'd break up with him and question how we even started dating in the first place; it's the fact they would be outwardly oppressing a part of you and telling you to change it due to the fact they don't like it. If they don't like your fashion and want you to change it to suit them, what else will they do that with? It's a scary thought. If you'd rather sacrifice your personal happiness to be in a relationship with such a person then I have news for you, son,

So there's my two cents on the discussion! Rob doesn't really care about Lolita fashion, it doesn't bother him that I wear it and I certainly wouldn't care if he did have anything against it. I've found the general consensus of many Lolita girls is that their partner either thinks their fashion is cute or doesn't mind it - I think any relationship where the partner hates the fashion is not destined to be a long relationship. What are your thoughts on the matter? What does your partner think of Lolita fashion?


  1. I agree with you. I couldn't be in a relationship where my partner hates what I love.
    Asian fashion is a part of me and switching styles too. If he cannot accept that as a part of me he is not the right one. Why should anybody give up their hobbies/interests etc. just because someone else wants them too?
    I am really glad that my Bf likes it. He said, that it looks kinda cute and really elegant except for sweet lolita and Lolita fashion would make me happy so he accepts it and sometimes really want to see me dressed up and comes with me to meet ups.
    I am honestly sorry for those who have issues about dressing up in Lolita and relationships. Their friends should understand that there is much more than fashion.

    1. Exactly! I agree wholeheartedly with you, I'm glad you enjoyed my post. :)

  2. Thank you for sharing your feelings on the matter! I might follow suit and post up my own article on the subject since I think it's really important to read how others' approach this topic as the fashion often does become an integral part of our identities. I feel very fortunate in that my fiance loves Lolita, urges me to wear it as often as I can, has attended meet-ups with me and occasionally helps me shop. We both love fashion so it's really been a positive experience for me :)

    1. Thank you! I'm glad you liked the article, feel free to link me if you write a similar one, I'd love to hear your opinion!